How many times do you find yourself blocked from doing something you want to do, but fear stops you from doing it?

“Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt”

-William Shakespeare, Measure for Measure (debut 1614)

Do you find it surprising that Wm. Shakespeare wrote about self-doubt keeping us from expressing ourselves in the 17th century!? Shakespeare struggled with finding “the good” in his life? He doubted himself? History seems pretty modern, sometimes.

Can you relate?

We were free to express ourselves as babies, toddlers, and as young children. As we grow up we become aware of societal rules and expectations. Depending on our personalities, we may respond to that pressure to “fit in” and give away a bit of our unique personality. We take on more responsibility as we age: we choose a career, find a partner, have children, take on debts, manage a home, care for our parents. We have to fit into a smaller and smaller box if we want to keep all our balls in the air. Time is scarce, our freedom is scarcer.

That’s why this time of passing the menopause milestone can be a time to find the freedom we need to live our lives with joy. Joy is a by-product of wisdom, and wisdom is gained from experience. This is available for each of us. And how do we turn experience into wisdom?

In the 1970s a geriatric neuropsychologist, Dr. Vivian Clayton, researched the meaning of wisdom as described in ancient texts for her graduate thesis. She was trying to define wisdom. Her definition became a base for all the subsequent research into wisdom. She found that wisdom was cognition, reflection and compassion. Later research added to her findings and I have future posts coming on that.

Dr. Clayton said our cognition (which is our conscious and unconscious process for knowing and understanding) may slow as we age, but that is because we are chock full of knowledge and need time to sort it out. Not only do we have more knowledge to sort through, but this knowledge has greater nuance and finer detail. Younger thinkers might be faster thinking, but as we age we develop deeper thinking.

Over the years we accumulate more and more knowledge and can see patterns that are more noticeable as more time passes. We use that accumulated knowledge to recognize wise decisions that come out of this reflection. This recognition offers us a way to behave wisely.

And then, the power of compassion is created when we put this knowledge to action and use this knowledge to better understand and help others.

This accumulation of wisdom comes as a valuable result of aging if we seek to use reflection to produce more compassion. I would argue older = wiser, if we pay attention and allow compassion to shine. Can we use wisdom to shake off the fear and free ourselves to be more and more our own delightfully quirky selves? Can we find the self-compassion we need to offer up our gifts to the world without self-judgment?

Jane Goodall in The Book of Hope: A Survival Guide to Trying Times, spins this notion out and explains the meaning of wisdom to include compassion:

“Wisdom involves using our powerful intellect to recognize the consequences of our actions and to think of the being of the whole…”

–Jane Goodall (at 87 years of age, a source of continual admiration)

Our wisest choices reflect what will most benefit us all. We are living wisely when we protect our values and see that our actions result in positive consequences. What follows is the value of compassion for others applies to compassion for ourselves. We get over ourselves and our inner critic, see the good that we can accomplish in the world, and use our wisdom to generate self-compassion. To deny ourselves the compassion we offer to the world denies us the chance to offer our special gifts to the world.

This is what can get us over the roadblock of fear.

Self-doubt can be pushed aside in our knowledge + wisdom that fear interferes with our usefulness. This fear is not real and we can push aside that negativity. We can be freer than we’ve ever been.

When I talk about restoring our freedom as we age, I mean the freedom found in:

• Expressing ourselves freely
• Moving our aging bodies with joy and strength
• Nurturing our health by nourishing our body and soul so we can help others
• Living a boldly realized life as an aging woman without fear

Its tricky to be a visibly aging woman in a world where “anti-aging” and **”menopause belly” are two of the highest-ranking search terms that come up on Google for “post-menopause”. No wonder we hesitate to show up in the world when being young and smooth has wonderful benefits. Isn’t it easier to blend into the background and disappear?

But if we respond to the fear of being harshly judged and found lacking value as an aging woman in the world, we miss the opportunity to add our wise knowledge and experience. Our compassion for others will not be expressed. We all have something unique to offer to the world, and it’s a serious duty for each of us to overcome our fear and show up, express ourselves, and deliver this gift. You never know how your impact will affect someone who needs to hear what you have to say.

And with all the love and compassion I can muster, I say that those of us who have been through some hard times, those of us who have made mistakes, the ones of us who have overcome adversity, we who have lost someone dear to us… we are the ones that can offer healing compassion to those that need it the most. As we get older this becomes more likely and more meaningful.

We can get better at this with age. Let’s conquer the role of fear in our lives, and like Wm. Shakespeare, choose to honor our experience and knowledge. Let’s banish self-doubt.

Is another way to express this, “I give zero EFFS now that I am older + wiser” ?? Yes. This is the vibe.

C’mon, little rock stars, let’s show ’em what we’ve got and really express ourselves. Enjoy the freedom. We should be free to be as weird as possible and can’t we all just agree to love ourselves? I am wildly cheering us all on.

What springs to mind about self-doubts keeping you from living your life? Does that happen to you?

**”menopause belly. Yep, this is a real consequence in our post-menopausal bellies. Our estradiol levels and testosterone levels fluctuate wildly then drop after menopause, causing us to hold on to weight around our middle. It’s complicated. Has to do with hormonal levels and loss of muscle and the redistribution of body fat. I’m looking into some cool/weird things about our little spare tires and will post on this more, later.