How old do you feel?

If you’re like me, you feel like yourself INSIDE. For instance, in your brain, you are who you have always been. You feel deeply like yourself.

Then you might be passing by a mirror or reflective store window and catch a glimpse of yourself.

“Oh wow, is that really me? I look older than I feel!”

How old do you feel?

If I had to choose an age for the way I feel inside I would say maybe, 33, but with more confidence than I actually felt at age 33?

I did not have much of a plan for what I expected to feel like after menopause. As I write this I am close to age 63. This is a little surprising to me. How did I get here already?

When I was a little 10 year old child, my grandparents were about 63 years old.

By the time I turned 37, my parents were 63.

My version of almost 63 feels wildly different than my grandparents’ and parents’ version of 63.

Do you think those sayings about “60 is the new 40” seem right? I don’t know, when I see Helen Mirren absolutely swagger on the red carpet I think “77 is the new 47”!!!

In interviews Helen Mirren says she prefers the term “growing up” to “growing old” and I don’t think she’s wrong! We have been living longer and having more experiences. We can’t help but accumulate knowledge and wisdom.

I’ve read that she looks back and has loved all the ages that she has been.

This notion of fond regard for yourself, at any age, is the type of Tender Self-Care I am looking to embrace. Yes, bubble baths are nice and I light a candle when I sit down to write as a little ritual that I enjoy. But Tender Self-Care (to me) is loving yourself. No matter that you are older, that you have made mistakes. We all have. You are human and deserve love, joy and respect.

We deserve to love ourselves.

Which leads me to another wise woman who thinks we contain multitudes.

“The great thing about getting older is that you don’t lose all the other ages you’ve been.

I am still every age that I have been.

Because I once was a child, I am always a child. Because I was once a searching adolescent, given to moods and ecstasies, these are still a part of me, and always will be…

If I can retain a child’s awareness and joy, and *be* fifty-one,

then I will really learn what it means to be a grownup.”

Madeleine L’Engle

I recently reread A Wrinkle in Time.

I would love for you to do the same.

Madeline L’Engle got me jumping up and running to the kitchen in the beginning of her story. You see, the Murry family falls back on simple comforts for a rainy/scary night and little Charles Wallace wants to take care of everyone with liverwurst sandwiches and hot chocolate.

I know, liverwurst sandwiches are not universal comfort food.

But I would give anything to have my mom show up and I can make her one of those. Just not with the Charles Wallace addition of mustard and pickles (what?! ugh). My mom comes from good strong Polish and German background and did not shy away from any sort of wurst. Ideally my mom’s mom would eat liverwurst on some really hearty (deep) dark rye bread. And my mom was into this combo, as a result. I’m hoping mom and Grandma Mary can eat wurst on good rye bread up in heaven.

I don’t currently eat liverwurst, its a blast from the past. But I did manage to rustle up a radish sandwich. Hearty sourdough, thick swipe of the good butter, sliced radishes topped with crunchy sea salt. And I dove right back into the story.

And Madeline L’Engle continued to influence me. She made me reflect.

Meg Murry does not appreciate herself. But Madeline L’Engle shows us how Meg is so much herself; strong, smart, logical, argumentative, curious, stubborn, not popular but so much herself at such a young age that it reminds us of something. Like Meg, we all had a struggle in our teenage years. It’s a hard time to love ourselves. Our hormones have changed and we are thrown off, a bit.

Yes, this reminds me of of menopause.

Madeline L’Engle encourages us to remember that even when we feel unlovable, when we can’t see our value, we have a strength and power and beauty. If we can see angsty, difficult teenage Meg Murry for the wonder she is to her world, maybe we can accept that we are ALL LOVABLE (once you get to know us).

L’Engle allows magic in her universe. The children terreract (tesser?) across the universe with Mrs. Whatsit, Mrs. Who and Mrs. Which, their guardian angels. Time folds in on itself and the immortals guide the kids across time and space to rescue Meg’s dad, Mr. Murry. They have only been gone a moment in time. In this universe there are frightening beasts that offer grace and wisdom and ultimate comfort. And a horrifying group mind called The Black Thing that causes uniformity and mechanical behaviors.

Ultimately, love and bravery and goodness wins.

[Did you watch the 2018 film directed by Ava DuVernay? She is a brilliant film maker and stuffed her version of the book with lots of star power: Oprah, Reese Witherspoon, Mindy Kaling, and Gugu Mbatha-Raw.]

And Meg is lucky to really understand that she has value. That she had it all along, even when she couldn’t see it. And she learns the value of breaking out of conformity.

She is the rebel we all need to be in the face of lowered expectations. Society is not always right about our value as we age.

I have a friend who gets pretty animated when we talk about age, feeling old, and the idea behind this website: helping menopausal women revel in their age. She says “I don’t care what you say, getting old is hard and it will never be easier! It’s hard to grow old! Just you wait and see how hard it is!”

My lovely, emphatic friend bikes in the mountains, walks everyday, makes creative sewing projects, reads everything, is a wonderful cook, and has a great sense of humor. And she is like many of us, seeing the journey through old age as difficult, no matter what. She is a dear friend and supports me in my efforts to make something to connect women our age. And I do think her opinion of aging has some truth. And I treasure her friendship and ideas.

But … I also believe that the power of our brains is real.

I’m choosing a path that has me searching for the good parts about aging. I want to take the steps I need to optimize my health.

I have to take action to make sure I don’t sit too long. I have to stretch. I have to practice my balance everyday and do pilates everyday and walk everyday. I have to choose nourishing food that gives me enough fiber, vitamins and protein. I have to read. I have to learn something new and challenging. I have to seek out rich friendships and time with loved ones. I have to practice gratitude, daily. I have to learn to love myself. And doing all these things? Not easy!

But I would rather put in this hard work and improve my aging journey. I am choosing to run free with the possibility that my accumulated wisdom can overcome any obstacle. My age is a gift that gives me a choice. And I hope I get to the place where Meg Murry does and appreciate myself and rebel against conformity.

Yes, there will be things that are hard about aging. But my powerful mind can help me with staying positive. Yep, I am an optimist that always wants to optimize. Always have been.

If we can choose to accept our age and gain strength through our habits, including which THOUGHTS we allow into our brains… my goal, and maybe your goal is to turn that into a way to lift us all up higher. Because we then will have the strength to do so.

Please tell me, what is your reading-a-book-and-want-to-snack snack?

Do you want to Meg Murry (changed hormones and all) with me and wreak havoc on conforming?

Let’s go.